he's feeling weak, they're watching him, several extra days in the hospital due to fever and some kind of myterious infection. but his heart rate and blood pressure are fine, so it's just watching and waiting.

it's frustrating not being able to do anything from here. fortunately little brother is closer, at this moment just past palm springs, driving back out to arizona to deal with this unexpected delay.

Posted by talkingcrow at 05:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

this morning the sunrise was an intense orange. it was beautiful, and something i rarely see. i like more sleep than that. but this morning the alarm clock was set for 6:10, so i could call my mom or my brother to check on dad. he goes in for another surgery today, well, he's probably in now. they work on his heart, in hopes of balancing and managing the problems.

here is my weird confession. when the time comes, i do want to see the ghost of my father saying goodbye. i just really don't want to see that any time soon.

think good things. i appreciate it.

Posted by talkingcrow at 08:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

rabbit rabbit and happy new year!

last night b and grace and i were talking about doors opened and closed in the past year and for the future year. janus, the god of doors and all that... grace of course, easily identified my biggest door of the last year. it's mostly funny because it is huge and obvious to me, and hopefully to b. - but might well not be obvious to others on the outside. it's the same door that first came to mind in *my* head, so given that, and since grace and i share the same brain, it all makes sense.

i don't know what doors will be opened and closed in the next year, i realize that it should be easier to know that, but it's not. and which doors will be closed or opened without choice? so many family and extended family are ill or elderly, it's not easy to know what will happen.

aside from the leftover musings of new year's eve, i do wish to live more consciously. to consume differently, to go for quality, not quantity, to spend more time with those who matter, and to feed my friendships. i wish to be creative in my work. it's not an option to do otherwise. to be creative in the rest of my life. to give b. my heart continuously and more every day. i am so incredibly thankful for him. somewhere last night i promised to write him poetry again (how did he get off the hook of the same in reverse?) which is easy in one sense, because the poetry is always there.

i'd like to read more. i've been in tactile mode for some time, but i need to really engage in a way that i've turned off for a little while. and the break has been good.

to blog again, to get the whole picture mess sorted (i can't add images right now other than with flickr, who knows, but i have to fix it - it's also part of why i am so slovenly with updating). but you can always find fairly new pics over there.

mostly, i want to live a purposeful life, where i pay attention and don't miss the little stuff.

this is all rather coffee-is-just-kicking-in-grandiose. i mean it all, but it sounds all very BIG. my only real proper resolution each year is to open my mail. that still stands too.

you?

Posted by talkingcrow at 10:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)